Comments on: On John Wayne and Cleaning Up http://samuellieb.blogsome.com/2007/06/20/on-john-wayne-and-cleaning-up/ Sometimes the darker things make more sense, but not always. Wed, 09 Dec 2009 16:21:25 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=1.5.1-alpha by: flowerofedo http://samuellieb.blogsome.com/2007/06/20/on-john-wayne-and-cleaning-up/#comment-14 Thu, 21 Jun 2007 16:53:40 +0100 http://samuellieb.blogsome.com/2007/06/20/on-john-wayne-and-cleaning-up/#comment-14 Mmm, I enjoyed this quite a bit. The first part was really well done. The second part was well done too, but the shift in tone was a little hard to follow. Especially because you did an excellent job setting the tone in the first half, and then it just drops. I don't know if the key is to find a way to carry the tone throughout, or if it is more along the lines of better cuing the reader in on the tone shift, so they are right there with you. "The difference between the image of the private detective and the image of the drug dealer he’s trailing is different." Something slipped out here. Couldn't quite figure out what you intended to say. "The wit is sharp, the comebacks are smart, the conclusions drawn are smart." This threw me a little because you have a paralleled format, but it isn't consistent. Either they are all "smart" or they are all different. And you use "sharp wit" again in the next paragraph which was a little too soon, especially after the bump I got right there. "Maybe I just like the image because of those things. Maybe if I knew that someone had a problem with that image, I would drop it." This part seemed a little too musing after the more solid and authoritative tone you already presented us with. Especially since you said it was the authoritativeness that you were attracted to in this image. I think those were the main things that stood out to me. The first part is superb, Sam. I liked it a lot. (I like you a lot, too.) Mmm, I enjoyed this quite a bit. The first part was really well done. The second part was well done too, but the shift in tone was a little hard to follow. Especially because you did an excellent job setting the tone in the first half, and then it just drops. I don’t know if the key is to find a way to carry the tone throughout, or if it is more along the lines of better cuing the reader in on the tone shift, so they are right there with you.

“The difference between the image of the private detective and the image of the drug dealer he’s trailing is different.”
Something slipped out here. Couldn’t quite figure out what you intended to say.

“The wit is sharp, the comebacks are smart, the conclusions drawn are smart.”
This threw me a little because you have a paralleled format, but it isn’t consistent. Either they are all “smart” or they are all different. And you use “sharp wit” again in the next paragraph which was a little too soon, especially after the bump I got right there.

“Maybe I just like the image because of those things. Maybe if I knew that someone had a problem with that image, I would drop it.”
This part seemed a little too musing after the more solid and authoritative tone you already presented us with. Especially since you said it was the authoritativeness that you were attracted to in this image.

I think those were the main things that stood out to me. The first part is superb, Sam. I liked it a lot.
(I like you a lot, too.)

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